So often in my journaling time I revisit the past, sometimes going back to specific situations or conversations years ago. I’ll redo that one argument in my head with all the new information I have. I’ll not waste my time on that guy because NO, he didn’t treat me the way I deserve. I’ll not let certain people push me around with their words because I was too timid or lacked the confidence to stand firm in my worth.
I think and rethink those moments and adamantly wonder why? Why didn’t I stand up for myself? Why did I just let people treat me a certain way when in my heart I knew it was wrong, but externally I did nothing. And as I sit there ruminating, I wish I could inject my current perspective and self confidence into my past self.
Over the years, I have found myself asking, “What would my 80 year old self say or do in this situation?” Often times this comes up in the moments where I am worrying over something I know my older self would laugh at. But recently, I have been using it in a different context. It has become a source of even greater perspective. In the instances where I am losing patience or feel I am being taken advantage of or am lacking self confidence, I pause and envision the 80 year old Leigh Ann.
She has seen a thing or two. She has learned that her confidence can come from no one and no thing other than herself. Time has taught her to care less about what others think and let go of the “people-pleasing” tendencies that so often lead to burn out and over accommodation. She doesn’t stand for passive aggressive people or their behaviors and addresses them instantly, but all in a calm, composed and nurturing manner.
The depth of her confidence allows her to listen more and speak less. Yet when she speaks, it is from a place of insight and love. The depth of her confidence empowers her to set free relationships that have proven toxic and establish clear boundaries with the people she chooses to keep in her life.
She is unapologetically authentic to her innermost self. Humbly confident. Eager to continue the process of learning and growing until her final moments here on earth.
So in the present day moments where I begin to doubt myself, I take a moment to consult my 80 year old guru. Her confidence, wisdom, patience, empathy, intuition, humility and commitment to her authentic being spill over me and it is from that place of enlightenment I make my next move.
